Always Ask...Never Assume...

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'


Someone rightly said:

When you ASSUME = you make an ASS out of U and ME....

2010 Holiday List ( Holidays & observations for 2010)

Holidays and Observances:

1 Jan New Year's Day 5 Jan Guru Govind Singh Jayanti 14 Jan Pongal 20 Jan Vasant Panchami 26 Jan Republic Day 8 Feb Maharishi Dayanand Sarawati Jayanti 12 Feb Maha Shivaratri/Shivaratri 14 Feb Chinese New Year 14 Feb Valentine's Day 19 Feb Shivaji Jayanti 27 Feb Milad un-Nabi 1 Mar Holi 16 Mar Chaitra Sukhladi 24 Mar Rama Navami 30 Mar First day of Passover 1 Apr Maundy Thursday 2 Apr Good Friday 4 Apr Easter Day 14 Apr Vaisakhi 28 Apr Mahavir Jayanti/Id-E-Milad 1 May May Day 9 May Birthday of Ravindranath 9 May Mother's Day 27 May Buddha Purnima/Vesak 20 Jun Father's Day 26 Jun Hazarat Ali's Birthday 13 Jul Rath Yatra 1 Aug Friendship Day     15 Aug Thanksgiving Day 15 Aug Independence Day 19 Aug Parsi New Year 23 Aug Onam 24 Aug Raksha Bandhan 2 Sep Janmashtami 10 Sep Jamat Ul-Vida 11 Sep Ganesh Chaturthi/Vinayaka Chaturthi 11 Sep Ramzan Id/Eid-ul-Fitar 2 Oct Mahatma Gandhi Jayanti 14 Oct Maha Saptami 15 Oct Maha Ashtami 17 Oct Dussehra/Dasara 22 Oct Maharishi Valmiki Jayanti 31 Oct Halloween 5 Nov Diwali/Deepavali 6 Nov Govardhan Puja 7 Nov Bhai Duj 17 Nov Bakri Id/Eid ul-Adha 21 Nov Guru Nanak Jayanti 24 Nov Guru Tegh Bahadur's Martyrdom Day 2 Dec First Day of Chanukah 9 Dec Last day of Chanukah 17 Dec Muharram 24 Dec Christmas Eve 25 Dec Christmas 31 Dec New Year's Eve

Sindhi Joke

An Arab was admitted in Hospital for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As he had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally and the call went out to a number of countries. A Sindhi had a similar type of blood. The Sindhi willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Sindhi as appreciation a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Sindhi who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Sindhi a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Sindhi was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Sindhi's kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him that this time also I thought that you would give me expensive gifts ..... But you only sent a thank you card and a jar Almond sweets. On this the Arab replied 'Sai.....now I have Sindhi blood in my veins'

MONKEY IN THE PLANE

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was  traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent  enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
The officials went to  see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the  monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers  doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses  doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the  pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you  doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes  what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and  snacks"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the  travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the  steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating &  throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were  the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots  doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you  doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were  the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the  pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"
Officer: What were you  doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! !

No  more Questions!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!

Nice Thoughts

 

 

One Moment

The moment you are in TENSION
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
And you will feel IRRITATION
Then you will spoil personal RELATION
Ultimately,you won’t get C0-OPERATION
Then you will make things COMPLICATION
Then your blood pressuring raise CAUTION
And you may have to take MEDICATION
Instead,understand the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
This will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don’t think it’s my free SUGGESTION
It’s only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You will never come again to TENSION

A Mr Bean Christmas

Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson) gets his hands on a nativity scene during Christmas.
The goofy yet silent screw ball then starts to act out the scene based on his version of history. Probably based more on the other toys available to his reach.
We never knew that a T-Rex was part of Christ’s birth but you never really know. It might have happened this way. Luckily the tanks were there to fend off the dinosaurs.

Virginity Check

A young man was  planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if  his bride is a virgin.

The doctor  said, 'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a  can of blue paint and a shovel..'

The man was  astonished and asked, 'So what do I do with these?'

The doc  replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue.   If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw', you hit her head with the shovel.'

Friends Reunited

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A
30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned
from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of
the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame... what
a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my
son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday
was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot
mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three
boyfriends."